Sunday, November 20, 2005

Oh The Lechery

I went to the coast with the journalism department over the weekend, some of which read this blog (CJ, I know you're trolling), and it was filled with bonding, laughs, fun, and... lechery.

The lechery began when James opened the book. Yes, the book filled with lechery, sodomy, necrophilia (maybe, we didn't get that far), and pedophilia. No, I'm not talking about Harry Potter. It's the Marquis de Sade that I speak of. Oh the thought of it makes me think such illicit things. I will never forget the magnificent firelight reading that James gave us. I will treasure it forever.

"Courage, Eugenia, courage!" James cried profoundly. Oh, that night was a magical one. I thought it couldn't get any better until CJ gave us a masterful reading of "Naked Lunch." I never knew heroin could be so sexy.

That evening, when we all settled down to sleep, James curled up on the kitchen floor with the Marquis wrapped in his arm. His other hand was inside his sleeping bag, what it was doing we don't want to know. Then, it happened. I heard a scratching at the door. Then the door opened and in walked... a raccoon. It sniffed the air and immediately walked toward the kitchen. I thought it was going after the trash, but no, it grabbed the Marquis de Sade and quickly exited. I saw it climb into a tree after which the branches started to shake. After a few minutes it walked back in the house and put the Marquis back. It seemed shaken and I could of sworn I heard it mutter "unclean, unclean" as it walked out the door.

I cannot wait until March when we take our trip to the LA. No, not to see LA, but for more lechery. I plan on giving readings of "Vox" and maybe the "Penthouse Forum." Ah yes, more fluids will be coming out of men then the time I took a cruise with the Minnesota Vikings. It will be a glorious excursion to the City of Angels (my ass) indeed.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Coming Out To My Dad

The other day I came out to my dad. No, I'm not gay. I finally told up to him that I'm not a conservative, more precisely, a Christian fundamentalist conservative. He found this out inadvertently after reading an article I wrote about Pat Robertson. The article I wrote was essentially pointing out all of the ignorant things he has said and pointing out his hypocrisies. After reading this, my dad looked at me suspiciously and asked if I was just writing this as an exercise in different viewpoints. I told him, no, it's my viewpoint. Actually, I continued, it really isn't a viewpoint. I'm just stating actual things he has said that any sane person would see as moronic or ignorant. When I said this, my dad's face turned red with rage. He started yelling about how it was all taken out of context and that I've fallen for the liberal trap. He then started mumbling incoherently and stormed out the door. His parting words were that I should think about family, values, and faith and that I've been misled.

Strangely, after all this happened, I didn't feel guilty. I know my dad feels I betrayed him, but I don't think I did. My dad has this huge issue with change. He believes that most change is bad unless the change corresponds to his viewpoints. Like, if everyone suddenly turned into a Christian fundamentalist he would welcome this change with open arms. He also believes, hypocritically, that nobody can change. The truth is that everyone changes, especially when it comes to their political and religious views. I've gone through many changes in those areas, even as recent as this year.
Recently politics has really begun to piss me off. I'm starting to see less and less of a point in expressing your political beliefs. It really doesn't accomplish anything, unless you're an incredibly gifted speaker and can actually get elected to public office. The only things that have happened to me by expressing my political beliefs is arguments and awkward moments. I've also made more enemies than friends by being political everyday. I guess I'm becoming really apathetic and nihilistic to the whole concept of politics. I mean, I have my political views, I just don't believe in expressing them at every waking moment. I also don't really care about anyone else's political beliefs anymore. Caring about that only leads to passing false judgments on people and not looking at them as a person. This has been happening a lot in this heavily political era we're living in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think negatively about my father because of his difference of opinion with mine. I may not agree with it, but I don't look at my father like he's an idiot just because he agrees with Pat Robertson. I just don't think he's completely sane.

To conclude: Fuck politics.

Friday, October 28, 2005

The Mall Sucks

I work at a mall. It's probably the worst place I've ever worked, and I've worked at a diner. I would much rather deal with customers bitching about their food than be surrounded by moronic teenagers and soccer moms with their whiny kids. Being surrounded with so much commerce is also very annoying. I feel like I'm in spam mail hell.

My advice is to never work in a mall. Never ever ever ever work in a damn mall. It will be the worst experience of your life. You start to hate people more and more. I'm noticing myself getting pissed off for no reason at times. I'm so glad this will all be over in a couple of months. Which, working in a mall for two months is really more like a year.


I only took this job at the mall because I needed work badly. I worked there for two months last holiday season and for some reason they wanted me back. They hired me in August and it's been one long, boring, annoying day after the other. I'm gradually going insane.


I work at a bookstore in case you care. Well, I thought I would be working at a bookstore but they have me working at a kiosk selling calendars. You have no idea how much that pissed me off when I found out I'd be selling lame calendars to people. I also don't understand why they start selling the calendars in August. We hardly get any customers, and the ones that do browse tell me that they'll came back later in the year to buy their calendars. I can completely understand this, however, we do start selling a lot of calendars starting late October. By Christmas most of the good ones are gone and the people that waited until after Christmas to buy their calendars are shit out of luck. I have no sympathy for them.

The most annoying customers are the ones that bitch about the prices. I personally don't find thirteen, fourteen, or even fifteen dollars too much for a calendar. I mean, a lot of the calendars we sell are done by the best photographers and artists. I still think their lame and boring, but if you're into art you'll love most of these calendars. Now, I will admit that the crappy celeb calendars we have aren't worth the money. Unless you're a teenager. I'm sorry but I wouldn't pay thirteen dollars to see Orlando Bloom, Ashlee Simpson, Eminem, or Lindsey Lohan in a different pretty boy/girl pose every month.

I've also pissed off many Jewish people at the store. Not on purpose either. A lot of people dont know this, but there is a fairly large Jewish community here in the Portland area. The thing is, our store doesn't carry Jewish calendars. Neither do most other chain stores. Why they don't, I have no idea. There is a market for those calendars. Hell, I might even buy a Jewish calendar. What's really sad is that we have calendars for Christians, Buddhists, and Pagans but we don't have any Jewish calendars. I've been called an anti-semite many times because of this. We don't have any Islam calendars either but I'm pretty sure if we did, some psychotic right-wing blowhard would burn the kiosk down. Actually, that almost happened because we carry Greenpeace calendars. Apparently supporting the environment is the same as supporting terroism. I will never understand the conservative mentality.


Anyway, in conclusion, the mall is terrible. It's horrible. It's crap. It's the worst place on earth. Please, stay away from it at all costs. You have no reason to go to a mall. Just shop online or go to large stores. The mall can lick my ass while giving me a reach-a-around.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

It's Been Awhile

Wow, I apparently created this blog in January. I completely forgot about it. Well, I guess I should start posting on it. Better late than never, right?

Man, it's my third year at a junior college. I probably should've graduated last year but I didn't take enough credits to graduate. I wonder if it's even possible to get a transfer degree in two years? It probably would be if you could handle 18 credit hours a term. I couldn't do that, and I'm sure most people couldn't either.

The higher education system in America is horrible. For one thing, it costs a ton of money unless you're a minority and/or an athlete that can get a scholarship. Most of us are neither. Secondly, financial aid is very limited. Financial aid has a tendency to either increase or decrease every year. It usually decreases, but we've gotten lucky over the past couple years and it's increased. Also, you can only get financial aid for a certain amount of credits. This really sucks for those of us (myself included) that are having trouble figuring out their major.

Why can't our education system be more cost effective for people without money that aren't minorities, musicians, or athletes? Hell, even scholarships run out of money too. I just find the entire concept of paying for college mind boggling. It's not as mind boggling as paying for health care, but that's a topic for another post.


Now, I do understand that teachers and administrators at schools and higher learning institutions deserve to be paid well. Well, I also believe that the people going to college should be able to afford it and not have to juggle work and school. We should create a system in America where people can go to college for either little money or no money. Yes, this will require raising taxes but if the government would actually put more money into education (like the majority of it) we wouldn't have to succumb to a huge tax increase. Hmm... sounds like another topic for a future posting.

I don't know how we could accomplish the above because every politician and administration we have has their own agenda which, sadly, isn't really about helping the American people. Their agenda is more about helping the people that give them money. A way to fix this is campaign reform, a crack-down on lobbying, and better journalism. I'll probably rant about those topics also.

Well, thanks for taking the time to read this boring, pointless post. I doubt anybody is reading this right now, but I don't care. I just like writing and venting. I know it's not really an angry rant, but trust me there will be plenty of those. I'm just very tired right now and my brain isn't awake enough to come up with any witty adjectives, metaphors or non-sequitur phrases. Hopefully my brain will be up to the task later.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Welcome To My Blog

I'm Narthex, your new smartass blogger. I know there is a lot of us, but I don't care. I really don't care about anything but I enjoy spitting out a bunch of pointless crap on the internet. So join me in my rants about politics, religion, food, advertising, business, college, video games, movies, and just about anything else I can think of to bitch about. Welcome to the Thought Dumpster ladies and gentleman. Prepare to be offended, confused, befuddled, and angry because of how lame this blog is.